Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Jurassic Children

Like most couples, Melissa and I went through that initial phase where we were just disgusting to watch. Everything was coated in lollipops and unicorns because we were so in love. We often said the same things out loud when responding to questions or we'd tell tandem stories because we knew every inch of the situation as a couple. It's the kind of adorable that settles down over the years, which is not to say we are no longer adorable as a couple, it's just that we shop for matching outfits less.

It's still very common for us to agree on everything from the little things like movies, restaurants, and which body wash we're gonna buy (that's right, we buy the epic sized body wash and share it to save money - adorable and smart) all the way to serious things like politics and religion. It was a very interesting night though, when we discovered we were very much like-minded on the thought that our children share a great deal with our extinct (allegedly) friends, the velociraptor.

Now everything I know about velociraptor, I learned from the movie "Jurassic Park." I have done no further research to see if what they said is factual, and even more so, I have not watched it again to see if I am even remembering things correctly.

That being said, here's what I mean.

1. They hunt in a group: I've said before that William and Carter are finally moving into a phase where they play together. While it really does warm my heart to watch them run around laughing with each other, it also means that destruction to the house is now, also, a group activity. They seek a common goal and use a scary level of teamwork to accomplish their goal. They've become shockingly efficient at it, too. Our family room, which contains most of their toys and is therefore where they spend the most time, can go from clean to disaster in the blink of and eye. If picking up was an equally easy process, I'd admire their level of cooperation. As it is...I do not.

2. It's not the one you see, it's the one you don't see: Because William is the older and more mischievous one, it's easy to get wrapped up in watching to make sure he doesn't get into something he shouldn't. Unfortunately for us, Carter seems to have learned this tendency and uses those moments of parental distraction to set up small but deadly foot traps for us. Anyone who has been a parent long enough to enter the "toys all over the floor" phase of their child's life has probably come face to face with the global epidemic - stepping on Lego pieces. I don't want the Lego company to go out of business, but something must be done about how much pain they inflict to the foot when accidentally stepping on one. Anyway, Carter has learned that it's easy to slip quietly around the room while William is running around like a madman, keeping our attention. So a wood block right in front of the chair, a pointy matchbox car by the stairs, a string of Legos by the doorway, or simply the entire contents of our junk drawer by the sink, are all things that mysteriously seem to happen while we're distracted with William. Clever girl, err boy.

3. Give them their "egg" and they'll let you live: I can't remember which sequel it was, but there was a situation where the group of scientists stole a raptor egg which of course sent the pack into a murderous rage. When they were finally cornered with no hope of escape, they simply gave back the egg and were left alone and unharmed. Just that easy. This applies to the boys throughout the day. Sometimes you need to let them bring a really big chewed-up book to the store or let them take a wooden mixing spoon to bed in order to get anything done. Sometimes to win, you must let your

4. Beware the sharp claws: Evidently, the fingernails and toenails of children grow at a rapid rate. For a long time with William, I would trim or file them almost every day because of some little sharp spot that would only make it's presence known by drawing blood on Melissa or I. Granted, that is much better than a raptor claw to the stomach, but still painful.

5.  Even when logic tells you otherwise, they'll be able to open doors: We've "child-proofed" the majority of the house, but for certain doors or drawers we haven't found it necessary enough to spend the extra money on more supplies. This includes the bathroom doors. So sometimes if I am not sure to lock the door, I get a little audience while I "send a fax to the waste management department." Thankfully I've started to use these moments as encouragement for William to get on the potty train. "If dad can poo, so can you!"

Keep an eye on your kids folks, you never know what they might be up to!


  1. LOL....I so agree. The fingernails grow at such an incredible pace. Every time I turn around my 3-year-old son needs his cut again. They easily could cut off an appendage of an innocent bystander....yikes!


    1. My favorite thing about it is that they really only seem to sell the nail files in like packs of 1,000 and we either go through them or lose them (or they end up getting gnawed on) so they end up all over the house. It's gives us that nice beauty salon feel you read about in high end magazines.