Thanks Tigger!

The guys over at 8 Bit Dad said on twitter recently that, "If we don't post everyday, it means we've been putting family first." Man I love that. You wouldn't believe how far I had to scroll back on their twitter feed to find that quote. I am awful at twitter. There's too many hashtags floating around, and I'm never sure if I have to virtual hug the person who talks to me or just move right to the cuddling. So confusing. Sometimes I have to step back a little and remember that blogging is something I've been making an attempt to do for only three months. I've been a parent for more than three years now! Just how parenting came before the words in real life, parenting must continue to be the primary focus over the blog. I put a lot of pressure on myself as a "new guy" in the world of dad bloggers to get a little attention without being in anyone's face about it all. The biggest part of that is posting, and there are moments where I feel bad that I didn't get a chance to finish something on a particular day. I've asked a few people for advice and then quickly left those people alone so they don't feel I'm like the annoying kid brother who just wants to follow them everywhere. I know that guy, I've been that guy, and people want that guy to go away. I even know a few people who do quite well with their own personal blogs, and I refuse to ask for pointless plugs that are apropos of nothing they would ever talk about normally. I'd love a larger audience. I'd love to power through post after post, but in the end I am a dad first and I have a long way to go in this process. Feeling a need to apologize for my parenting getting in the way of a post is a bit stupid.

This week really let me take that idea to heart. I'm gearing up for my new babysitting adventures, which will start on Monday - wish me luck! I'm also making some changes to my diet and exercise program, namely, having a diet and exercise program. I'm tired, I'm busy, and in the middle of all this are my boys. William has finally, finally, found a way to get out of his shell more. He's talking more to us, instead of just near us. He's turning into a boy who wants to do things! It's so exciting, and when he wants to live out his imagination, I'm ready to join him. I really love it.

I made a comment on my facebook page the other day explaining why I might not be getting a new post up, and people seemed to love it. My assumption is that everyone thought it was sweet, and not that people were glad to have a break from me. So I thought I'd expand on our very important search the other day.

Several months ago, it was announced that Disney Junior was going to turn into a full-time channel. Melissa and I were overjoyed with that news. Why? CLEARING THE DVR! So many Mickey, Jake, Manny, and Little Einstein episodes clogging our system. So a full channel devoted to those shows and more, made us a happy pair. Of course, it took a while to be offered in Idaho, but we have it now! Along with all the normal shows that the boys were familiar with, came a few new titles as well as some Disney movies.

One of the movies, which I had never heard of, was "The Tigger Movie." It was released in 2000 and as best as I could find, is the only movies involving the "Winnie the Pooh" characters where Tigger is the main focus. I'm not going to go into the details of the movie, though I will say if your child likes that silly old bear, they will enjoy this story. All you need to know for this is that at a point in the movie, Tigger and Roo are bouncing through the woods looking for Tigger's family by yelling, "Hello? Tigger's family?! Come out, come out, where ever you are!"

For several days, William had been saying something that typed out probably looks like this, "Comeonah iya are!!" Having my minor in toddler linguistics, I really felt like I should be able to figure out what that meant. I had no idea. Till one day we were watching the movie, again, and William joined in at that scene with Tigger and Roo using his gibberish version. That is William's idea of, "Come out, come out where ever you are!" So now it was no longer confusing, just adorable.

With my role as William's playmate becoming more and more involving, it generally means he wants more time playing with puzzles or drawing in coloring books...or any books. This week though, thanks to the folks at Disney, he had something else in mind.

I had just put Carter down for his nap, and William was running around in a mild panic downstairs having finished watching The Tigger Movie...again. While to me it was downstairs, to William it had become the world of his friends from the hundred-acre woods. I'm almost surprised that I was not scolded for tramping on flowers or splashing in puddles as I took that final step off the stairs. Honestly, I was hoping for a moment of rest or a chance to check over the latest post so I could publish it before we dove into play time. Not that day. William reached up for my hand, and I was not going to tell him to wait. For a few moments I wasn't really sure what I was supposed to be doing, then William called out, "Hello? Tigger's Fam-wee? Comeonah iya are!" Ah! We're looking for Tigger's family, and since William was leading me, I assumed he was Tigger which made me Roo. Stick the short guy with the little character. Funny, son.

So we searched. And we searched. I mean, our house is not exactly big so there was a few laps made. We hopped a little and we checked in some of the drawers, but just like in the movie we never did find Tigger's family. All in all, our adventure probably lasted less than 10 minutes, but it was the first time William has ever pulled me into his world. In those moments, time really wasn't the important thing, and running spell check on some goofy write-up wasn't something I was going to worry about when we were working so hard to find a family of Tiggers. I made sure to reiterate a point made in the movie, that Tigger didn't need to go searching for his family, they were right beside him all along. It's true that I will always be here for my kids, but still, I'll go looking for that elusive family tree whenever William is ready to bring me along again. I hope he does.

So yes, if you've found your way to my exit on the internet turnpike, I do hope you'll stay a while. I hope you enjoy what you see, and I even hope you'll recommend me to a friend. Perhaps even lots of friends?

But.

Know that there are days where I'm in search of a huge, striped tree filled with bouncing Tiggers of every color. There are days when I'm sharing a blanket with a special little man to watch Sheetrock Hills put on their brand new play, "Snow White and the Seven Tools." Some days I've just got too much dad life going on, and that has to happen before any of this.

To the next adventure!

A Therapeutic Note

Every year I go through the phase of "What if I had continued on with my music education degree?" I have no regrets really, because in the end I wanted something that really wasn't being a band director. I wanted to work with bands without administrative red tape. There are jobs within most band programs that fill that idea, but not many, and not full time.

I love music in most forms, and I feel it's a bit of a "cause" for me because of how important it has been in my life, and how I believe it truly helps people. Which is why I was really excited to find that a good friend had taken a route with music that not enough people think about - music therapy. There's a feeling as you approach college as a music student that your options are either to teach music or play music, but that's just not the case. So I'd like to shed a little light on the work done by Metro Music Therapy and while they may not be in your area, perhaps you or someone you know could benefit from the services offered by groups like them to people of all ages.

Music therapy has been around about as long as instruments have. Through the centuries it's been said that music could rid a person of demons, delay madness in mental patients, purify the soul, or even aid with healing of diseases. Modern music therapy really began with veterans from World War I and II. Musicians, some quite famous, were sent to hospitals to play for soldiers suffering from mental and physical trauma as the result of battle. The results of these musical interactions were discussed for years. William Congreve wrote that now famous (often misquoted) line, "Music hath charms to soothe a savage beast..." but did you know it goes on to say, "...to soften rocks, or bend a knotted oak." Congreve was on to something there, music takes hold of people in an almost indescribable way.

So what is modern music therapy? From the website, "Music Therapy is the clinical and evidence-based use of music interventions to accomplish individualized goals within a therapeutic relationship by a credentialed professional who has completed an approved music therapy program. It is an established health service similar to occupational therapy and physical therapy and consists of using music therapeutically to address physical, psychological, cognitive and/or social functioning for clients of all ages." In short, music therapists work with people who have any number of disabilities and use music to help in the way they live. If you are a mother who had a special "labor mix" on your iPod, you have used music therapeutically. So this is an idea that many people have used in their life while perhaps not knowing it. I took this opportunity to ask my friend, Mallory Even - who owns and operates Metro Music Therapy, a few questions that go outside the realm of the information provided on the website.

My first question was the one I was most interested to hear the answer. As a former music education major, I'm well aware that music therapy is not an obvious choice to most people. It's something Mallory aims to change for other students.

With so many career choices involving music, what made you choose music therapy?
"I actually thought I wanted to be a band director throughout my time in high school, so I started out as a music education major my freshman year at Florida State. During one of our general music courses, Dr. Jayne Standley came to speak to our class about her work as a music therapist in the NICU. I had never heard of music therapy before,which I now think is sad and have made it a mission of mine to educate high school students about music therapy as a career choice. I was completely amazed that there was a field that combined my love for music and my passion for helping people. That same day, I walked into Dr. Standley’s office and told her I wanted to change my major."

Dr. Standley has done some amazing work with pre-mature babies. Her research and efforts with The Florida State University has found them third in the nation for music therapy programs. You can learn more about Dr. Standley and her work right here.

How would people find out about music therapy groups in their area? Would it be doctor referral, internet/word of mouth searching, little of both? 
"If searching for a music therapist in your area, I would start with either The American Music Therapy Association (www.musictherapy.org) or the Certification Board for Music Therapists (www.cbmt.org) – both have databases to help people find music therapists throughout the United States. A doctor’s referral is always a plus (especially if you are hoping to have insurance coverage for music therapy services), and even speech, occupational or physical therapists in your area can be great resources since a lot of music therapists network with those other therapeutic disciplines. (Of course, the internet/word of mouth is always a good option, too!)"

An important thing to reinforce there is that many insurance companies cover some or all of the costs of these therapy sessions.

I'm sure there are tough days (right?), tell me a story about a good moment that keeps you going.
"Definitely tough days ... not only while working with challenging clients, but also as a small business owner in a field that can still be considered “new” or “different” by the general population. But, the work that we do is so rewarding that it makes it all worth it. One of my favorite moments as a music therapist could have been easily overlooked by an outsider – as a lot of our “it” moments can be – but, luckily my five-year-old client’s mother was in the room during our session that day. This little girl, we’ll call her “Bella”, was hearing impaired and had recently undergone surgery for bilateral cochlear implants – a surgery that is decided upon by a lot of families only after much thought and consideration for their child’s future. As usual, I started our session with the “hello” song (a simple song I had sung so many times before while Bella would look at me and smile, but usually never make a sound) ... “Hello Bella, Hello Bella, Hello Bella, it’s time to say hello!” That morning Bella waved and smiled, but didn’t vocalize anything with me. I told Bella I wanted to sing the song again, and this time I wanted her to try really hard and sing her name with me. “Hello Bella, Hello Bella, Hello Bella, it’s time to say hello!” After I was finished singing that phrase, she looked me straight in the eye and said, “Bel-la.”

“Yea, Bella! That was wonderful!! Let’s do it again!!” And we did. We must have sung the “hello” song ten times that day. Bella’s mother remained very quiet and got very teary-eyed as we continued to sing, and finally looked at me and said, “That is the first time she has ever said her name.”

There are so many touching moments that make up a music therapist’s career. The elderly dementia patient that can’t remember their name, where they live, or who their family members are, but who can sing every word to the song, “You Are My Sunshine,” and who smile for the first time in days because you brought that musical memory to them; the child with Autism who remains isolated and withdrawn in their usual daily activities, but engages in eye contact, close proximity to peers, and appropriate social skills during the instrument-play activity in their weekly music therapy group. The changes evoked through music can sometimes appear to be subtle, but as a whole, music therapists are doing some big things."

Ya know, it's easy to dismiss a profession that traces back to ideas of tribes performing rituals of song and dance to cure illness. Yet, we live in a world that has blamed death and tragedy on music time and time again. It's clear that people know that music is a powerful thing, but I'm not sure people know how beautifully powerful it can become when channeled in the right way. We all have a song that brings a smile to our face, ones that makes us feel calm or remind us of a perfect moment, and using that idea to help people is pretty special. These amazing people design programs for each individual person which can even include instrument lessons. It's clearly rewarding and an industry that deserves a little spotlight.

If you know of someone who might benefit from music therapy. Look into it, please!

Again, check out www.musictherapy.org and www.cbmt.org to find someone in your area and do me the added favor, if you will, of either commenting below or sending Mallory an email to:  mallory@metromusictherapyga.com and let her and her staff know to keep up this great work.

Hat Baby

As a guy, when you announce that you're going to be having a baby, the first thing that happens is that you are furiously pushed out of the way so people can find the mom-to-be. Then, once you navigate through all the initial shock questions like, "Oh my god, were you trying to get pregnant?" and, "Who else knows?! AM I THE FIRST?!" you tend to wind up here....

"Do you want a boy or a girl?"

Most people will answer that question the same way. Something about how it doesn't matter, you just pray for a happy, healthy baby. For me that wasn't enough, I needed a happy, healthy baby girl. Not to fulfill some idea of having "daddy's girl" and it wasn't because I think my wife is stunningly beautiful (scoring points right this second) and I know we'd have a gorgeous little girl together. Tobey McGuire tells us that any story worth telling is about a girl, which seems a bit sexist and is coming from a guy who sported a mullet when he was young. Regardless, this story is about a girl. The adorable little girl who holds the honor of being the one who warmed my icy heart to the idea of having kids.

Her name...get this...is Maya. Isn't that sweet? Doesn't that already make you want to vomit out a glazed sugar cube? A beautiful little girl with very curly hair and the type of attitude that pushes you away while forcing you to be drawn right back in. When she was young was being watched during the day by her aunt, an awesome friend of mine who was a stay-at-home mom for a number of years and did an amazing favor for her brother by watching Maya. Even though it couldn't have been a very big deal. She's so cute I assume she was just placed into a flower basket and carted around while she made little giggles and smiled all the time.

So, because I'm an astonishingly good friend, I would stop by on my way home from work to visit with my friend and give her some company that could actually talk back. Visit after visit, Maya started to warm up to me. Till one day, when I was sitting on the floor, Maya carefully walked over to me and place a number of blankets on my lap. I sat in awe while she created a little nest out of them, tucking and folding to make a comfortable spot in the middle. When she was satisfied, and without a word, she stood up and turned her back to me and...PLOP! She went completely boneless and all her weight snuggled right in to her new home on my lap where she resumed watching TV. I can't say everyone would have been so struck by this moment as I was, but I remember just staring at my friend for several seconds thinking, "a little kid likes me!" It was an amazing feeling! I wanted to race home and put a baby in my wife's belly so my own little girl would sit on my lap.

As my visits continued, my bond with this little girl also grew, and I was reminded of a pretty interesting moment with her during lunch yesterday. Maya loved getting read to, and I was more than happy to go through books with her. She really enjoyed the standard cardboard ones with simple pictures and a word. My favorite picture/word combo was "HAT" that was illustrated with one of those really bad hats that you might see at the Kentucky Derby. No offense if that's your style ladies, I just can't pull them off. Chalk it up to jealousy. When I would say "hat" to her, I would say the "a" sound for way too long, and end with a very sharp "t" at the end. She seemed to find it funny, and before too long she was repeating it back to me. I was on top of the world! I taught a child something!

The word "hat" became a greeting of sorts between us, and she identified me with the word because I always wore a hat to work. I was told at one point that "hat" might have been her first word, which was extra cool for my ego as I walked around thinking I had reshaped the planets by teaching a cute little girl one word. Then this happened...

*phone ring*

"Hello?"

"Ev! I have a funny story for you!" <----Maya's Aunt/Awesome Lady

"What's up?"

"Maya was eating dinner and said 'hat' for her parents finally!"

*laughing* "That's awesome! Someday children across the world will know this word because of my actions!"

"Yeah, but that's not the best part..."

"huh?"

"Well, she was eating cereal and to show what a hat was, she took the full bowl, milk and all, and just flipped it upside down while yelling, 'HAAAAT!"

"...well crap."

Maya's parents were not too upset, but they were less than thrilled with the mess involved. For the record, I did not teach her to do that.

Years later when William was finally born, I knew right away that if he was going to succeed in life, he was gonna need to know how to say "hat." I started his training right away and eventually he learned it quite well. Knowledge he shared at lunch today. As I sat with him at the table, while he ate/smeared peanut butter all over his plate, I waited for my queue to bring out the pretzels. Generally when he's done with his sandwich I get a very insistent, "Pretzels please!"

 Not today.

Today all I heard was, "Hat!" I looked over to see bits of sandwich and a plate covered in peanut butter, all placed nicely over William's head. He had an amazing smile on his face, so proud of his knowledge, and he waited very happily for me to praise his genius level brain. I thought back to Maya's story and did my best to explain to a toddler that even though he is both awesome and correct, I really didn't want him to ever do that again...ever. I cleaned him up and sent him off to play. I felt pretty content about it. I never got my girl (sorry grandparents...no more for us) but it's really okay! The boys give me all the love that made me want to have kids in the first place.

And clearly, boy or girl...there's gonna be food on their head.

Haaaaaaaaaat!

Communication is Everything.

There must have been a point growing up when a switch occurred within me. I really can't narrow it down, but needless to say there was a point in time when I went from being too shy to say hello to someone passing by on the street, to being too polite to ignore them.

Communication is something I've tried to get better at over the years.

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People seem really fascinated by the noises that animals like whales and dolphins make in the water, while sharks make virtually no noise at all...and they get an entire week of TV.

The most early whale recordings are said to have been made by Navy ships back in the late 50s. I love three things about that. One, it was completely accidental. Evidently they were monitoring the water for "other things" and that just happened to get caught on tape. Two, you know some guy went nuts because he was convinced that it was "other things" and three, it allows for clear proof that whales are some of the nicest creatures on the planet. Cher releases "Believe" some 40 years after the first recording of the "songs" of whales and they have never tried to press charges. It's pretty clear to me that she ripped-off every whale noise every recorded to make her song. Pretty generous of the whales.

_____________

I know this may seem a little disjointed, but here's where I tie it up nice and pretty for you.

William and Carter have been slowly learning to actually play together for around 6 months. It was simply a collision of interests. It was bound to happen at some point. Since they are both still so young, sharing is a bit of an issue. William likes to do things like line up all the matchbox cars in the house and really doesn't want anyone to get too close, just in case they bump something out of place. Carter believes that anything in/near his hand belongs to him and is thereby stolen if it's removed. They need to grow up and understand that everything is actually mine and I'll do whatever I want with all of it.

Now as I've mentioned before one of the best and worst things about being at home with the kids is the overexposure we have to each other. It seems to have led to them getting overly clingy with Melissa whenever she's home, which in turn makes me jealous and I end up doing drastic things like only playing the episodes of "Jake and the Neverland Pirates" that I like. I can definitely say that if I was not Lord MeckDaddy of AtHomeia, I would not have been a witness to the evolution of their conversations.

It all started as you might guess. Carter would be in the same room as William and have the audacity to look in the direction of "his" toys. William would scream as a territorial warning, scaring the heck out of Carter who would then join in the screaming out of panic. I find that I get very tempted to join in with the screaming, but acting on this impulse seems to just cause more screaming. It seems a little unfair that I'm excluded.

After the unconditional screaming phase came the physical altercations. William would sharply turn as Carter entered the 10 foot danger radius around whatever William was playing with at the time. The two would stare quietly at each other while dust began to settle all around them (I need to vacuum). The tension would build to an almost unbearable level, as the two remained motionless like two adorable gunslingers about to face off. Finally ready to make his move, Carter masterfully goes  in toward the toys and William follows in to defend! He turns to his brother in both blood and battle, and keeps turning till his back faces his opponent. Ah! The classic butt defense! He backs that thing up like the ladies at an Usher concert, pushing Carter further and further away from his precious treasures. Carter, not to be so easily outdone, pushes back with the force of ten tiny fingers that possess virtually no strength at all. Finally Carter retreats, seemingly defeated, but with the slightest hint of a smile. What could cause that almost unnoticeable upturn of the lips? He made it out with one of the cars! What a duel!

That was pretty tense folks, take a deep breath and we'll move on.

Most recent in the progression of their communication with each other is the whale phase. This has been amazing to watch. Now, I haven't been able to pinpoint any similarities so as to decipher what the noises mean. I'm also not completely certain that they know what they're saying. It's possible that this really isn't communication that I'm seeing so much as controlled screaming, and that's perhaps the best way to describe it. They scream at each other, but not nearly as loud as a actual scream. It's a bit more reserved. In addition, they take turns instead of this unison glob of headache inducing sound. It really is this sort of high-pitched echo of call and answer to each other. What I think is real communication, and while at the moment there are no actual words, that's got to be the next step toward talking to each other, in my opinion.

Studies will be done to see if I can learn this new language and join in with their conversation.


So till next time....

eiiiiiiiiiiiiooooeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieoooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaah!