What Can I Say?

If you are reading this right now, it's important to know that I appreciate you. I'm thrilled that you have given some of your time to read my stories. My last post seemed very well received and was passed around by a few people, and I appreciate that too. The problem, for me, is after you post something that is a rather sweet, heart-felt moment between a father and son, it's hard to know how to follow that. When I started writing this blog, I went in with every intention of keeping things real and honest, so there's no way I'm going to make post after post about adorable little antics as if it's a day to day thing. Likewise, my post for Metro Music Therapy in Atlanta, completely destroyed what I consider to be my "normal" amount of page views on an average day. Still, the long term answer can't be selflessly giving out information (however much I believe in it) on the great things my friends have gone on to do with their lives. I only have so many friends, and sometimes I'm sure I have even less than that.

So the question remains - how do I follow up a post that found a great reception? How can I live up to the hype?

I probably can't, but what a great chance to let out a little crazy for the sake of not worrying about a "great follow up post." I was hesitant to talk about it, but Melissa insists that there are other people like me in the world. I don't mean stay-at-home dads, I mean parents who've seen far too many episodes of their kid's cartoon programs and have started to put too much thought into it. There is no rational way to ease into this topic, so I'm just gonna go for it.

Ev's Crazy - Episode 1 - Handy Manny: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Handy_Manny

• Manny's name is Manuel Estevez Garcia III, named after his father and grandfather ("Abuelito"), but while we see Abuelito all the time, there is only a small mention of Manny's father. Equally his mother is only referenced once in the show and still we have no clue what happened to either of them. Better yet, there was an episode where Manny went to his family reunion and there was STILL no discussion of his parents. What the heck?
• While we're talking about family there is a specific episode where Manny's sister Lola tells him ,"You're my favorite brother!" to which Manny responds, "Lola! I'm your only brother!" Much later the character of MANNY'S BROTHER, Ruben, is introduced. How does that work? What the heck?
• Parents who watch the show have long speculated on the relationship between Manny and Kelly, the owner of the hardware store. Questioning if they were ever going to get together. The makers of the show have insisted that making such a leap would not work with the show dynamic. They said things needed to remain open-ended with all the characters to ensure that the story for the characters wouldn't really need to evolve. It's a common issue for cartoon shows. It's how "The Simpsons" has been on for over 1000 years and yet there is still a baby on the show. In a recent episode, Abuelito and Mrs. Portillo suddenly got married. These two characters have never really had any major interaction on the show, let alone something that would hint to the audience of any romantic connection. Even within the episode they hint at Kelly and Manny having feelings for each other. What the heck?
• Kelly's hardware store is basically two doors down from Manny's workshop. In an episode, Manny and the tools need to get some glue, and bring it back to his shop. To do this, he puts on his work gloves, tool belt, trademark pencil in his ear (that he never seems to use), and loads the tools up in the tool box. To get a little bottle of glue. Two doors down. What the heck?
• Why does Kelly carry absolutely everything on the planet? Why can Manny buy car parts at a hardware store? I'm willing to get on board that she somehow has everything they need to fix various home projects, but would you really look to the local hardware store to carry baskets to go on a scooter? A crank specifically for a BINGO wheel? All these odds and ends, and yet she had to order Manny safety goggles, which took a month to arrive. They have a store that sells ONLY gloves (Handy Hut) and yet the hardware store is where you go for a popcorn kettle? What the heck?
• I worked for a construction company for a while. When you're in that line of work, you start to mass a collection of various things that you know you'll use later. Manny has jars of nuts and bolts around his workshop all the time, yet somehow he never has nails. He has the perfect amount of lumber for a job in his truck somehow, and yet needs to stop by to see Kelly if he needs goggles or a hardhat or glue. What the heck?
• How was Manny able to restore a race car with a saw, two screwdrivers, a monkey wrench, a pair of pliers, a tape measure, a hammer, and a flashlight? What the heck?
• The majority of characters appear single. There's a disturbingly small number of couples. There's something sort of creepy about Sheetrock Hills. There's a sort of sinister quality to children appearing who seem to have no parents and a level of acceptance regarding potentially fatal situations. What the heck?
• What is the deal with Mr. Lopart? He is the source of many issues throughout town. He's in a constant state of failure and refuses to allow people to help him. Wouldn't there be a point where you would stop asking if he'd like some assistance getting his foot unstuck from a bike rack or getting down from a tree? What the heck?
• The Sheetrock Hills economic system. No one pays for anything. Ever. There was one episode where Manny was supposed to be preoccupied and was leaving the hardware store when Kelly reminds him that he hadn't paid yet. I could hear every parent in the world screaming, "How is that different from every day ever!" Seriously, what the heck?
• There's an episode where Manny is drooling over a pair of gloves in the hardware store. The tools decide to try and get enough money from random places in Manny's shop to pay for them as a surprise. Obsessed with getting enough money, Squeeze sees a coin in a sewer and while trying to get it, falls in forcing a very suspenseful rescue. At the end of the episode, the mayor ends up giving Manny a pair of the much coveted gloves. Manny quickly tries them on, much to the delight of everyone. Those gloves have never been seen again. One of his talking tools falls into a sewer for him trying to raise the money to get him these gloves, and when he gets them he doesn't even have the common courtesy to wear them once in a while? What the heck?

I have plenty more, but not the desire to make this point that long. PLEASE, leave comments below if you'd like to keep the good times rolling, but keep it to Handy Manny. There will be other days where I need to vent some crazy, and so we'll get to the other shows later. Seriously though, help remind me that while I may be going crazy, some others are going through the same kind of crazy. Furthermore, don't let this scare you off, I'll be back to more "normal" topics soon.

Thanks again for all the patience with posting lately! Adding Bonus Baby to the mix has given me some amazing perspective of parenting, but sucked the life out of me at the end of the day. I have a new level of respect for parents with lots of kids at lots of ages. If that means you, I think you're amazing.

Reverse Poopology

Once of my all-time favorite comedy specials was by Dana Carvey entitled "Critics' Choice." In this particular special, he covered a vast array of topics, but I always laughed a lot when he was talking about his kids and "naked time." I know many parents go through that phase with their kids, so I've been patiently waiting for it to happen with the boys. So far the biggest issue we've had with this is that Carter loves to take off his shirts which sounds better than getting an eyeful of bing-bong all day. So far William hasn't shown any signs of wanting to be naked, but that doesn't mean we haven't had other issues with his clothes.

William has refused to nap lately. With all this extra time he has started to figure out the process of getting undressed. It's quite helpful in the right situation, but clearly the right situation is not while he's alone in his room. Unsupervised.Without going into too much detail, I've had a few horrifying moments of opening the door and almost gagging at the sight and smell inside. Finger painting is fun, isn't it folks? Children are beautiful, but they sure can create a lot of ugly.

We spent a long time talking about it and decided that while it was a lot of fun, we just didn't want to clean up the floor, walls, bed, floor, dresser, floor, door, child, and floor anymore. So we ventured into the googlewebs to see what other folks had thought up to prevent this type of nap time activity.

What we found initially was not very surprising. Things like trying to wait for him to go potty before we put him down for his nap or trying zippers versus snaps or vice-versa. Nothing. Then we moved on to duct tape, an option we first thought was a bit mean really. Duct taping the diaper seems to be a little bit of a hot-button topic with certain people. It's seems to fall into that category with those backpacks that have the leash attachment on the back, allowing your child to have a bit of freedom while maintaining control on their general location. Before kids, I would look at those people "walking their kids around like some kind of dog" and scoff at how mean that seemed. While I never did buy one of those contraptions, after we had the boys I can understand the frustration that leads to it, or perhaps the convenience of it. Let me be clear, we never used the duct tape to adhere the diaper to his skin in any way, it was just a strip over the diaper flaps so it would take some real effort to get the diaper off. It was an effort that William was willing to give, so with that failure we went to a full strip of duct tape over the flaps which overlapped in the back. Surely he wouldn't be able to undo that kind of adhesion. Yep, he sure could! Kids are pretty strong willed little buggers.

After further research into ideas, we found a gem of an idea. I really wish I could credit the source, but I don't know where it started. What I do know is that this was not my brilliant idea and the more it is shared, the more parents have a chance to save on carpet cleaning supplies.

So it's simple we take a set of pajamas that look like this:

And turn it into something that looks like this (note the lack of feet):

You take pajamas that have feet (some companies have non-feet versions but they seem pretty hard to find) and trim the foot area fabric off near the ankles. There's generally a seem right in that area to follow. At this point you load you child up into the pajamas backwards so that the zipper (or snaps, though we've not seen snap up pj's in William's size) runs up their back. It's perfect because it really doesn't add any sort of discomfort and there just isn't a way for the child to undo the zipper like that. We have had zero issues since doing it this way, and as William's potty training progresses, so will this idea. From time to time we have put him in normal pajamas and have not had a problem, but it's nice to have what, for us, has been a fail-safe method. Cutting off some fabric has been far less time consuming than cleaning a room that has been "repainted brown."

It's strange what little inventive things you have to do just to make it through the day with your kids without the threat of getting elbow deep into a poop covered floor.

Makes you wonder....

did MacGyver have kids?

Thoughts from the Walks

Because I have such a large fan base, I really have been working hard to keep posting without letting any form of burnout set in. Since the first installment of Thoughts from the Walks I have pushed myself a little too hard when I've been out on my walks to come up with some little odd factoid or entertaining observation of life that clearly has become my trademark. I believe inspiration can't be found by those working to find it. Which is why today I really let my mind wander, and I was pretty impressed with myself.

First, I saw a guy driving a very old pickup truck. Around town (Meridian/Boise, Idaho) you get this mix of people who could live in any city, anywhere in the country and the good ole' folks who have spent most of their lives on a farm or simply out in the mountains somewhere. Country folk. This guy looked like he could be on the poster of a John Deere ad, with one exception. He had one of those really long cigarette holders like Cruella Deville from 101 Dalmatians. Maybe I missed something when it comes to the use of those. I just get this picture in my head of those being exclusive to fancy women from the 50's and 60's. Since I am fairly certain it was just some guy in a dusty flannel shirt and not Holly Golightly from Breakfast at Tiffany's, I was confused. Particularly since he wasn't even wearing black silk gloves which, I was under the impression, were issued with those cigarette holders. Anyway, I thought about writing something about how I think most little boys at some point put on Mom's makeup or play with the found pair of pantyhose, blah blah blah I had one My Little Pony that my G.I. Joe figures would ride into glorious battle with Cobra.

Then, I saw a store which has recently been closed down. It was owned by what I can only describe as a couple of "biker chicks" who were trying to sell clothing and jewelry so younger ladies could wear it and feel tough. It's exactly what you'd think. Lots of black, with sparkle skulls and flashes of pink on everything, ya know, since it's for girls. So I thought about writing something about the newly formed void for pink and black clothing/jewelry with skulls on it, and how tragic it would be for my boys someday to not have this store as a source of gifts for their tough girlfriends. I decided it would be too much of a.....wait for it.......

HOT TOPIC!

What did I land on? Something actually serious, and something quite personal to me.

When I was probably 10 or so, my brother pointed to a very obese guy (back before the "Hey America! You're Fat!" news reports were on every night) and said, "That's gonna be you someday." So began my obsession with my weight.

During my youth I was involved in a variety of activities that kept me, I think, fit. From soccer to band activities, to even a small running phase, I did lots of different things. Still, when you get down to it, for me everything started in school. I always liked P.E., in fact, up until high school my favorite teacher was a P.E. teacher. They are in the very cool position of helping to get our youth more active, and if done right they can really make the time outside fun and not just a sad lesson in who gets picked last. For the first two and a half years of being a stay at home Dad, I didn't have a working vehicle. That simply meant the boys and I were limited in our outdoor activities by what we could walk to. Now that the ManVan is in our lives, we get out more. Period. It puts all of us in a better mood. Even if it's just a trip to the store. Getting outside; being active can and does change your day.

The thing is, this is about one of my big fears in parenting. I want my kids to have great memories throughout their childhoods, and not be haunted by something said by some jack-hole. P.E. can be a great way to incorporate fitness into young kids as well as develop social/teamwork/friendship skills. It should be a great deal more then unlocking the equipment locker and telling the class to be careful and wake you up in an hour. Which is why, I was rather upset when I walked by a certain school on my walk today. There was a class of kids out for P.E. playing baseball. Split up into two games actually, I guess there was that many kids. On the track, right smack in the middle of the two games was the coach....in a chair....with a nice cool drink. Now, it's not about the beverage per se, but seriously..come on. When I took guitar lessons, the guy didn't lay down on his couch and just nod along during the 30 minutes. My 4th grade teacher never sat down during class...and she was pregnant. I honestly support teachers. I almost became one! There's a great deal of crap that gets thrown at the teacher's feet that should be just as much the parent's responsibility. However, when the bell rings, you have to engage your class and keep them motivated. So next time you find yourself at the gym, find a buddy who's willing to sit close by and just have a sandwich or read a magazine...I'm sure you'll be real motivated to keep going.


For the record: This was not some passing glance. They were on an open football field that I had full view of long before and long after. Easily 10 minutes of walking. The guy didn't move a muscle and couldn't have been more bored.


Side note: I get that this is a little outside the spectrum of "My son kicks me in the nuts." Sometimes I have serious things to say, and sometimes not. While this was on the heavier (not a pun) side, I hope that my take on more serious topics are just as readable as the lighthearted stuff. But if it helps:

Poopfart.