I was one of those kids who always wanted to be a ninja. I was not allowed to enroll in any form of karate when I was a kid, but really it wouldn't have mattered. I've seen karate classes, recently even, and at no point do they do the things that I associate with being a ninja. So quite frankly, if they were not willing to teach me the sacred arts of the ninja, then it seems pointless to be upset about it.
I never really lost hope though. There were many...many...Halloweens where I went as a ninja. My trusty plastic sword and throwing stars were always at the ready. I'd like to believe there was also several times where I managed to get candy without being seen, and NO, that's not your chance to throw in a short joke. My brother and I once made nunchucks was scrap wood and some chain. Now that I think about it, I really don't know where the chain came from. God, I hope that didn't ruin something important. Oh well. Once for some sort of holiday, Melissa finally got me some ninja swords, but with the boys around I find that I rarely have time to practice my technique. That's why I decided to expand my arsenal.
There's a big difference (to me) between feet that stink and feet that are simply unclean. I've known people who at the end of a moderate day of activity can take off their shoes and you get that immediate smell of burning milk being poured over a big bag of Taco Bell. I've also known people who could run a marathon and take their shoes off, and while you understand that their feet are sweaty, perhaps swollen, well...gross...they don't smell that bad. I think I have the latter. I'm also not running marathons daily (I would be somewhat curious as to average miles covered per day just keeping up with the boys) so I don't find my feet all that gross at the end of the day.
Despite this fact, Melissa still gets upset when I take off my socks at the end of the day and use them as nunchucks to attack her and the boys. To be clear, it isn't the boys that get upset by this activity, it's just her. A very meager 25% of the human members of the household. During the day the boys and I will often do this. The boys both enjoy the thrill of being chased by Daddy and I get to hone my ninja skills in much the same way that Bob Ross perfected his skillful technique of painting jovial shrubs and whatnot. So pardon me for wanting to spend a little time as a family!
The Sock Ninja. There are literally ones of us, and while there is no way to tell when the next strike will happen...rest assured that when it does...Melissa will have a look on her face that says, "Oh, you think your little post about having no room on the bed was funny? Hit me with that dirty sock and let's see where you end up sleeping."