Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Truth in Advertising

There's a part of me that thinks I would have made a really good advertising employee. I say "would have made" but I guess when the kiddos are no longer dependant on Capn' Diaperchange throughout the day, who knows where I might end up. *slight pause for dream sequence where I work for the British Top Gear*

Anyway, one thing that I appreciate about the concept of advertising is that they are supposed to be truthful. While I understand that "truth" is sadly a relative term when it comes to advertising, companies are not allowed to flat out lie in order to sell their product. When Red Bull* says it gives you wings, people understand that it doesn't give you actual wings. It's used as a concept for a burst of energy or even that "second wind" feeling where it can be the it beneath your "wings." The point is, Red Bull* is NOT allowed to claim that if you drink their product you will never get sick again and you will become wildly rich and famous. I like that.

It is in this very roundabout way that I wanted to complain about Facebook!

Something I'll likely mention again in other posts is that I love my kids. I really do. They're both awesome boys and I consider myself extremely lucky to be able to be at home with them. That being said, they annoy the crap outta me. They really do. They're both kinda jerks and I mostly can't wait till nap time every day so I can perform my sadness ritual of sitting for a while in total silence. Remember that Depeche Mode video, "Enjoy the Silence" where King Needsashave walks around with his circa 1920's beach chair and just sad sits in various locations?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=diT3FvDHMyo - If you need the reminder.

It dawns on me that the video may just be about a stay at home Dad who was forced to play dress up pre-nap time. Also! For the record, my favorite part is the first time he sets up the chair, and then turns around as if confused by step 2 in the process. "So I just...sit down?"

Okay, back to Facebook. While the idea of "reconnecting" with people who you have lost contact with over time is actually quite cool, I'm often pissed at how people choose to update their status, because it's so often just complete crap. For the interest of time I'm going to focus on my 2nd most hated status update: your kids**. Here's the problem. On Facebook, you get to be whoever you want people to think you are. Sometimes I find that the online version of my friends are people I don't much like, but more so I find that people have this nasty habit of posting something to reassure your friends that every aspect of your life is going great! When, as your friends, we are very aware that it is likely untrue.

Sample conversation:

Friend status - My kids are so amazing and great. They built me a 2 story yurt made of reclaimed wood from the Titanic! Soooo blessed.

Phone call from friend 2 minutes later - "Hey! How's it going?!" "ROARO!!!KIDS!!! RRRAWWRRR GODZILLA!!!BRAAROO!!!POOP ON THE DRESSER!!!"

Look. As parents, heck, as people we understand that you love your kids. However, it's okay to admit that not every day is the setup for a stock photo of the happy family having dinner around the nicely set table. Just as important, you don't have to tell everyone that they are driving you insane. Maybe just push away from the keyboard all together? Either way, you don't have to lie to me. It just seems mean.

* I did not get paid by Red Bull to mention them in this posting.

** If something genuinly happens that involves your kids, I'm okay with those posts.


  1. I greatly appreciate your need to specify British Top Gear because, of course, working for the American version of the show wouldn't be a dream, it would just be a derivative and less entertaining nap.

    1. Isn't it sad? Every time Jeremy says some form of jab about Americians, there's that part of me that's like, "Hey! That's not cool!" and then Top Gear America comes on and that same part of me sits alone in the dark having ice cream.